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Dear Eliot:
I have this incredible urge to get something pierced but I can't decide what or where. Any advice would be appreciated.

—Looking for pain in all the wrong places

Belly-button piercings are passé. Piercings on the privates won't get enough "air-play". My prediction: pierced ankles and feet will usurp pierced belly-buttons as haute-couture for 2003. Go ahead, be a trendsetter.

I was stuck in slow-moving traffic on the Deegan Expressway last weekend in front of Yankee Stadium. There was a guy standing in the middle of traffic holding out a cup looking for change. He held a sign that said "Why lie, I want a beer." I thought that this was a very honest approach and it gave me a chuckle. For his effort, I should give him a dollar. Even better, he may tell his friends of his success and they would follow suit. Within a short period of time, New York City could be filled with honest, funny, pan handlers. Who knows, maybe the walls between the "haves" and "have nots" could be broken down with honesty and humor. As I approached the guy I thought "Why lie, I just want traffic to keep fucking moving." I did wave, however, as I drove past.