You’ll be able to say you went...

File furniture music under “the newest special new band out of New York City.” Pretty and charmingly superficial, these boys have a knack for always choosing just the right colors.

You can just feel the angst pour out of guitar player Chris Thomas’ Dolce Gabana charcoal-grey ensemble. And singer Jason Prince’s Iggy Pop Collection one-piece is an homage to a happier time when all the real rock stars wore their cocks as fashion statements and let their sexual ambiguity replace the need for talent. There is no doubt, they are the second coming to the second coming of the second coming of the Beatles. And though you might think them slightly dangerous, we assure you they too are “Safe as Milk.”

The music? In a word, “sheen.” Slickly produced, they spared no expense to sound exactly like, in drummer Tyler Land’s words, “something we heard and liked but then forgot the name of.” But don’t mistake them for artists, “Originality is for suckers” guitarist John Yakovou will tell you over coffee, “its hard enough supporting our taste for the finer things by ripping off other peoples styles and slickly packaging it as our own. By the time we finish doing that we’re tired …dog.”

Music Shmoozic! Its all about the clothes, the look, the parties, and the really expensive newest drugs. Furniture music lives for those nights of flying past the throngs trapped behind the velvet ropes to go have a smart cocktail with Gwenyth or Leo.

And that’s exactly why you’ll want to go see furniture music, because if you go you’ll be able to say you went. Simple as that. And now seriously, who doesn’t want to say that?